Not really a story, but a question.........

Mr schmidt used to say to himself that he was very hollow inside. Infact he was.

He could not feel remorse, sadness, pain, exuberence. Nothing.You might say he did not know if he was even human anymore. But certainly not divine or inhuman. No no... certainly not that.

But what is a person when he no longer feels, cares, cries or laughs. All this when he knows he should. He knows he should feel remorse when his lady left him saying she was forever someone elses and then had an affair with a third man.

He knew he should be sad. Maybe... maybe he could also have cried. He had cried in front of her once had he not. And now that she had, to his mind, betrayed him in sorts, he should be ready to break down. Had not he dedicated every moment he was with her and every other to making her life better. Was she not the focus of his existence. Maybe he should even loose all hope and faith. He knows this is what he would have expected of himself earlier.

But the fool just doesnt feel. Anything.

He cares very much about what happened and whats happening, much like an analyst, but he certainly doesn't feel anything about it.

He doesnt feel guilt like he used to when he didnt complete his own goals for work or just doesn't care about the results anymore. He feel he no longer needs the support he once banked upon.

He feels very squarely and truly dead indeed.

He doesn't feel the surge of happiness when the woman he wanted to give his heart to smiles at him... maybe because he doesnt want to risk anything anymore. It is humanely possible to hide the person in you. Maybe forever. maybe just long enough. If your not sad you must be happy. Isnt that how it works. Or is there a middle ground. Or maybe his state doesnt exist in this realm. Its outside the terms of reference. A silent grayness along the pictures of stark black and night.

Mr Schmidt knows the world doesnt know anything about this or that any part of this thats going on in his mind. He's glad or those who care about him might make a mess or when they dont see him sad maybe theyll assume hes happy. No point in bothering those kind souls.

He doesn't really know what to do but one things for sure.. he'll continue to be stone dead forever......

shouldnt he...???